Title: planning a Revenge Chapter 9Author: AshleyE-mail: Nuriko56@hotmail.com
Standard Disclaimer Apply
Serena stayed away for a full three weeks, returning to London ona wild, wet
November day that blew her hair into a cascade of bright goldenblonde gold-
curls her clips couldn't contain and put healthy color into hercheeks. But
the outward appearance of vibrant color and life was an illusion,she admitted
silently, as she caught sight of herself in the wardrobe mirrorafter dumping
her suitcase on the bed. Inside she was grey.
	Raye had been wonderful, hiding her horrified surprise atwhat Serena
had done after one shocked, "Oh, Serena," and then being therewhen Serena
needed some company without intruding on Serena's desire forsolitude. And she
had needed be to by herself, Serena thought now, clicking open thesuitcase
beginning to unpack.
	She had laid a lot of ghosts during the three weeks' retreatto
Scotland, some of which she had been unaware of until she hadbegun to search
her heart and her soul with brutal honesty. Her new state of minddidn't help
the grinding loneliness which had grown day by day since she hadwalked out of
Darien's life, nor the overwhelming sense of guilt and shame thathad had her
pacing the floor until the early hours most nights, but she wasglad she had
faced the demons of the past nevertheless.
	She had realized she had been punishing Allan Ginga when shehad aimed
to get even with Darien--it hadn't been Raye as she was thinkingof, notreally.
	Darien's apparent ruthlessness with her cousin, his cruelassumption as
to Raye's morals and behavior, had touched something elementalthat had been
screaming inside her own brain for five years. She had merelydressed it up as
a crusade for Raye, that was all, Serena thought bleakly.
	After unpacking her things, Serena made herself some toastand tea and
took her tray through to the sitting room, drawing the deep rosey-red curtains
before she sat down in front of the welcoming glow of the gasfire. The rain
was lashing against the window, an early dusk making it quite darkoutside
although it was only just after four o'clock.
	Serena ate the toast determinedly--her appetite was non-existent; she
had already lost nearly half a stone in the last three weeks, andher clothes
were beginning to hang on her--hazing into the flickering fire asshe munched.
She had come to several decisions in the caustic aftermath of herlast
confrontation with Darien, and now she reviewed them asdispassionately as she
could.	She had lost any chance she might have had with him--completely,
utterly--and she felt in her bone she would never fall in loveagain. So, she
had to think her life anew.
	If all hope of a husband and family was gone, then shewanted to do
something with her life, something rewarding. She needed a pointto what had
become an existence, and working for Rita and Andrew didn't evenbegin to
fulfil that--dear though her friends were.
	When she had first gone to university she had had the ideaof a career
in social services, working with needy families and especiallychildren, but
Allan Ginga had caused her to lose all confidence in herself andher ability
to cope with the pressures such a career would involve. But herdegree was a
good one. So it was up to her--it was all up to her. And shewasn't going to
hide away any longer.	When the knock came at her front door, Serena's brow
wrinkled before she
suddenly realized who it was. Of course--she had told Rita andAndrew when she
was expected back, and, knowing Rita, she had come round to checkall waswell.
	She padded out to the hall, stitching a determinedly brightsmile on her
face as she opened the door. Only it wasn't Rita. Or Andrew. Itwasn't Melvin
either.	"Hello, Serena." The deep voice was cool and expressionless.
	Her reaction wasn't at all cool, but as she swung the doorshut he was
too quick for her, an expensive Italian leather shoecap divinginto the
threshold and wedging the door open.
	He looked wonderful, she thought desperately, big, dark andhandsome,
and the slight dampness from the ferociously wet leather outsidewas causing
his hair to fall over his forehead in what was almost a quiff. Itgave a
boyishness to the hard, handsome face that was dynamite, and sheknew her
voice was shaky when she whispered, "What are you doing here?"
	"Looking for you," he said softly. And then, as her handwent to her
throat in nervous apprehension, he said, "It's all right, it's allright, I'm
not going to hurt you." And in that moment she knew, with anintuition made
all the more sensitive because of her love for him, that somehowhe had found
out about Allan Ginga. Her heart stopped, and then racedfuriously.
	He was feeling sorry for her. It was worst than all the painof the last
three weeks, and Serena' soft mouth tightened, her backstraightening as she
said again, "What are you doing here?" her voice hostile.
	"I thought you might like to know how Amy's last appointmentwent?" he
said quietly, with a faint air of reproach.
	"Oh.yes, of course." It wasn't what she had expected. "I.I'msorry, of
course I want to know. How.? What did the doctors say?" shestammered weakly,
knowing she couldn't keep him standing on the doorstep when he hadcalled to
tell her much momentous news, but utterly unable to find thecourage to invite
him into the flat either.	Darien solved her problem by the simple expedient of
steeping forward,
so she was forced to step back into the hall, whereby he followedher into the
flat, shutting the door after him, and then staring down at herfrom wary,
watchful eyes. "It went very well," he said, simply. "Thetreatment had been
an unmitigated success. There is no reason why she shouldn't livea full,
active and very long life once she ahs recovered her strength."
	"Oh, Darien, I'm so pleased." And she was, but she stillcouldn't rid
herself of the impression that he knew. "That's.that's wonderfulnews," she
said shakily.	"And she's going to make an honest man of Greg once her
divorce fromChad comes through," Darien continued steadily. "She's already
looking for ahouse in the suburbs big enough to take Greg and all his books, as
well as thequiver full of kids she intends to have, so I'll be looking for anew
housemate soon."	He smiled, but for the life of her Serena couldn't smile
back. Was thishow the other half lived? She thought helplessly. Could the cool,
sophisticated beauties Darien was normally involved with take thesort of
scene they had endured and carry on as though nothing hadhappened? But then
she doubted him any other woman had dared to do what she had done.The thought
brought a moment of nervous hysteria, but then his next wordswashed away like
a bucket of cold water.	"I'm sorry, Serena," he said quietly.
	"What?" Please don't let him know, she prayed desperately.I'll do
anything, anything, if he doesn't know. She couldn't bear hispity--his hate
was better than that.	Her prayers were in vain.
	"I followed you here the morning you ran away from me," hesaid
steadily, still making no effort to touch her. "But you hadalready left. I
went crazy for a time, then--raging about like a bull in a chinashop--and,
not surprisingly, Rita and Andrew wouldn't tell me where you'dgone. I think
they thought I meant to hurt you."
	Hurt her? Oh, he'd hurt her all right, Serena thoughtpainfully, but not
by anything he had said or done. He had made her fall in love withhim--what
could be worse than that? "I had some holiday to take," she saidstiffly.
	"I know, Rita said that much--along with telling me I wasthe biggest
idiot on the earth," he said flatly.
	"She didn't? Rita didn't say that, did she?" Serena askedincredulously.
The Chiba business was very important to Rita and Andrew'sfledgling
enterprise, and they still hadn't made a sale on his apartment. Itsaid a lot
for the strength of Rita's affection for her that her friend wouldput their
friendship before her precious child, Serena thought wryly, theknowledge
warming her for a few brief seconds before Darien spoke again.
"She was right." He was wearing his poker face, but there wassomething deep
in the beautiful blue eyes that was causing the breath toconstrict in her
throat, and the feeling of uneasiness to increase tenfold."Anyway, I tried
threats, bribery--all sort of tactic you would expect from a manlike me--"
the edge of dark humor didn't make her smile "--and then I decidedthat as you
knew everything about me, it was only right and proper I did some
investigating of my own."
	She shut her eyes for a split seconds as a terrible sense of
inevitability engulfed her. "I.I don't know what you mean."
	"I thing you do." She made no reply to this, but her eyeswere the eyes
of a trapped animal and her face was chalk-white.
	"Why didn't you tell me, Serena?" he asked softly, knowinghe had to go
slowly, that the slender, fragile girl in front of him was at theend of her
tether. "Did you think I wouldn't understand? Was that it? Or thatI'd blame
you in some way, think less of you--?"
	"Please go. I want you to go." Her heart was shaking herribcage with
its frightened panicked beats. What did he expect--that she wouldnow discuss
this with him? Was that it? Because she couldn't; she couldn'tdiscuss it with
anyone--not ever. If he had loved her it would still have beenimpossible, but
thinking of her as he did, it was inconceivable.
	"I'm not going anywhere." And then, as she began to tremble,he said
softly, "Sit down, Serena. I just want to talk for a while, that'sall."
	"There's no point," she murmured shakily, "you must seethat? We.we said
all that could be said that Saturday morning three weeks ago."
	"We said nothing that was real then," he bit back sharply,and then, as
she flinched as his tone, added, "Please, sit down."
	She sat. It was either that or falling in a trembling littleheap at his
feet, and that really would be the final humiliation. She didn'tknow what to
do or what to say, and she felt such panic and despair that it waslike the
court case all over again.
	"I know this isn't easy for you." He was even using thelanguage the
lawyers had used, she thought hysterically, bowing her head andbiting on her
lip to stop herself from screaming at him to stop. "And I've madeit a damn
sight harder, haven't I?"
	"What?" She did look at him then, struck by the ragged painin his
voice, and he sat down opposite her as she did so, his handshanging loosely
between his knees as his eyes looking straight into hers.
	"The things I accused you of." He paused. "I didn'tunderstand, Serena,
I didn't know," he said with painful self-disgust.
	Oh, God, please make him stop this, she prayed helplessly. Idon't want
his pity or his good intentions. If he couldn't love her that wasone thing,
but this.	"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly. "Tell me inyour own
words?"	"No." Panic made her voice fierce. "No, I don't."
	"No matter. I can wait until you're ready," he said calmly.
	Why that simple sentence was the catalyst for the flood ofrage and pain
and loss that flooded her system, Serena didn't know, but she tookthem both
by surprise when she sprang to her feet, her eyes wild as sheshouted, "I
don't want you to wait, don't you see? And I don't want you tofeel sorry for
me either! I'm not a victim, Darien. I'm not. I've built a lifefor myself.
I'm not a little waif and stray that needs your charity, so youcan just get
out. Go back to your wheeling and dealing, and your.your wom--women."
	She hadn't wanted to cry. That thought was uppermost as thewild sobs
that racked her body burst forth from her eyes, her nose, hermouth, the
tension of the last three weeks and his sudden appearance provingtoo much.
	She tried to struggle when he took her in his arms, but hisgrip
tightened, his arms strong but curiously gentle as he held heruntil the worst
of the storm was spent.
	"You've been bright. You're very brave, my darling." He hadbeen
muttering incoherent words of comfort but now, as his wordspenetrated her
misery, she jerked in his hold, pushing at his chest with shakinghands as she
tried to free herself.	"I don't want you to feel sorry for me." It was a wail of
despair. "AndI don't want to ever see you again. Just leave me alone. Please,
Darien, leaveme alone."	"I can't." He was breathing hard, his face as white as a
sheet and hiseyes black with pain. "I love you."
	Serena closed her eyes, anguish tearing through her andmaking her feel
as though she was disintegrating into a tiny speck of nothingness."You don't
believe in love," she said with trembling dignity. "You know youdon't." That
Saturday when you found out what I'd done you were disgusted withme, you
wanted me far away from Amy--"
	"No, it was you who decided to leave," he said gently. "Iadmit I
reacted badly--" he took a deep, hard breath before continuing "--but I'm no
saint, Serena. I've never purported to be. I handled it all wrong.I know
that--I knew it from the first moment I found you gone--and I haveno excuse.
I lost my temper. For the first time in a long, long time I lostmy temper.
There was the great Darien Chiba, the man who had it all undercontrol, all at
his fingertips, and suddenly I didn't know if I was coming orgoing. I'd lost
it," he said shakily.	"You hated me," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
	"No, I love you," he corrected softly. "But you didn't loveme, and
that's what my bull-headed pride couldn't take. For the first timein my life
I wasn't in control. I was dancing to your tune, and I was furiouswith
myself--and you--for making me like that. I'd walked on eggshellsfor weeks,
tried everything I knew, and still you were holding out on me."
	"You mean I wouldn't go to bed with you," she said dully.This wasn't
real. She didn't, couldn't trust that it was real.
	"Serena, look at me," he said huskily. "Please?" She raisedher head and
opened wary eyes to see his dark face just inches from hers. "Iadmit at
first, right at the beginning, my sole aim was to get you intobed," he
acknowledged quietly. "And part of my love is made up of sexualdesire; I
can't help that. But only part, understand? If I have to waituntil that side
of things feels right for you, I'll wait--however long it takes.Maybe not
patiently--" he smiled, but she couldn't smile back --"but I'llwait none the
less. Because I love you, all of you, not just your body or aperformance in
bed. I love your warmth, your tender heart, your sense of humor,your purity--"
	And now she jerked right out of his arms, her voice wretchedas she
said, "I'm not pure, though, am I? You know about.about him AllanGinga--don't
you?"	"Yes, I know." There was a grimness to his voice that hadbeen absent
before. "And if he wasn't already dead, he'd have wished he wasafter I'd
finished with him."	"He's dead?" She stared at him open-mouthed. "Allan Ginga is
dead?" Shedidn't feel any of the emotions she would have expected at such
news, merelyan overwhelming relief that there was no chance she would ever see
him again.	"Heart attack," Darien said tightly, "while he was still in
prison. And,frankly, it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Retribution
isn't alwaysthat swift, but in his case it wasn't a day too late. And listen
to me,Serena." He took hold of her upper arms, his grip firm but gentle
as he lookedstraight into her drenched eyes. "You are as pure and untouched to
me as theday you were born. Raye's told me how hard it's been for you to
come to termswith what happened for the last five years--"
	"Raye?" This was becoming surreal, Serena thoughtbewilderedly, feeling
her grip on reality, lessening by the minute. "How have you spokento Raye?"
	"I telephoned her a few days after you'd left, when Imanaged to get
hold of her number," Darien admitted sheepishly. "There was afaint
possibility you might have gone there, instead of abroad, as Ritahad hinted--
" his raised eyebrows expressed his opinion of Rita's deviousness"--and I
wanted to know where you were. I was worried about you. Shewouldn't speak to
me at first, but I crawled a bit--" never, Serena thought indisbelief. Never
in a month of Sundays "--and she admitted you were with her, butthat you
needed time to sort things out--things that had been hangingaround foryears."
	"I don't believe this," Serena said weakly. "She didn't saya word to
me." She didn't know whether to be upset at Raye's scheming ortouched by her
cousin's love for her.
	"She said if I cared anything about you, I wouldn't barge inand confuse
the issue," Darien continued quietly. "I care so."
	Serena shook her head, her throat closing with fear. Shedidn't believe
him; she couldn't believe him. Darien Chiba could have any womanhe wanted, so
why should she be the one he fell in love with? He might not beaware of it,
but he was feeling sorry for her--she had seen him with Amy; sheknew that
hard shell had a soft center--but pity wasn't enough. It wouldn'tlast. One
day he would tire of her, as he had tired of all the others.
	"Darien, please go," she whispered brokenly. "If you do careabout me
even a bit, please go."
	"No." it was unequivocal. "You said, that last morning, yousaid.you
loved me. When you weren't thinking with your head, keeping upyour guard, you
said you loved me, Serena. It's been the only thing that hasprevented me from
'barging in', as Raye put it, because for you to say that, beingthe sort of
person you are, you meant it, and I could trust you enough towait."
	Serena stared at him. She couldn't move. She couldn't think.And she
needed to. She needed to deflect the question she knew he wasgoing to ask,
the question she could read in the mercurial deep blueness of hiseyes. "Do
you love me?" It was quiet, but there was a little tremble in thewords that
told her he wasn't as sure of her as he would like her to believe,and it
touched her as nothing else could have done.
	She wasn't aware she was crying again until he reached out atentative
hand and brushed her cheek gently. "Do you, Serena?" he persistedsoftly.
"It's the only thing that matters now."
	"It doesn't make any difference," Serena prevaricatedhelplessly. "You
think you've got to prove to me that you still want me in spite ofthe.the
rape, but I don't expect that sort of chivalry, Darien. And Ihaven't changed
my mind about having an affair with you either. I couldn't--I justcouldn't.
I'm not made that way. It's got nothing to do with what happenedat
university; it's me."	"Do you think I don't know that?" he bit back, with such
fury in hisvoice that she stepped back a pace, totally taken aback. "I know
you couldn'thave an affair with me--damn it all, I know that. And I don't want
a briefliaison with you either. I love you, dammit, and I want to marry
you. I wantyou to be the mother of my children; I want to see you with our
grandchildren--when that beautiful hair of yours is white and you still look as
breathtakingas ever. I love you, Serena. I love you."
	Should say something. Serena knew she should say something.But she felt
caught inside a rushing spiral of feeling that was taking her sheknew notwhere.
	"I don't know how to prove it to you," Darien said after afull thirty
seconds had ticked by, when they had simply looked into eachother's faces,
and his voice was calmer now.
	"Especially in view of the stupid things I've said. But ifit takes
months, years, I'll make you believe me, Serena. If I don't marryyou, I
shan't marry anyone; I know that now. That garbage I said." Heshook his head.
"I won't marry anyone. I mean it. I'll simply wait and hope untilthe day you
change your mind," he finished with magnificent humbleness.
	"Don't.don't do this." The whirlwind of emotion was takingher upward,
towards the light, but it was hurting--it was hurting so much,more than she
could bear.	"You're my lady, Serena. You're all mine. In here, where it
counts." Heplaced his fist across his chest. "You are everything I've ever
dreamt of,everything I could ever hoped for--my perfect, beautiful,
miraculous lady."	Through a haze of tears she looked at him, and now the
feeling wasflooding every inch of her body, making her light-headed as hope
surged deepinside.	"I'll show you how to learn to trust me," he continued, witha
sensitivity that belied the cold, ruthless image he showed theworld. "Every
day, for the rest of our lives, I'll be there for you, Serena--notmy work, my
friends, family--not even our children. You will come first.You'll always
come first. That's my promise to you."
	And then she was in the light, in a sudden, swooping rush,and she
realized it was really that easy. He love her. She loved him. Therest didn't
matter. Her traumatic past, his bitter disillusionment with lifeand love--it
was all gone, burnt up in the healing fire of this all-consumingprecious love
they shared. She loved him and he was hers.
	Her senses were reeling, but through the dizzy wonder of itshe was
aware of his face, dark and compelling, as he willed her tobelieve him.
	"I'm not going to stop asking you to marry me." He hadclearly mistaken
her stunned, wide-eyed wonder at the revelation which had burstforth in her
soul as a prelude to refusal, and he took her hands in his,willing her to
listen. "I know too well I've made a pig's ear of all this, andyou don't
believe me, but you will. I'll make you. I'm not going to go away,Serena,
whatever you say or do. I'm going to keep knocking on the door ofyour heart
until it opens again and you tell me what you told me thatSaturday. I shan't
give in."	"Darien--"	"I've been searching for you all my life without realizing
it," he saidhuskily. "You're my other half; you're part of me. I can't let you
go. You'rewhat I was created for."	"Darien."
	And now he did stop talking, and she recognized--with a stabof love
that took her breath away--the vulnerability that was staring outof his eyes
as he waited for her to speak. This big, hard, handsome man, thisgiant in the
world of finance, who had more power and wealth and success thanthe average
man could dream of, was just the same as any other emotionallybruised human
being. Just as fearful of rejection.
	"I love you, Darien," she said softly. "I've always lovedyou. I was
born loving you."	His whole body tautened for one endless moment, and then she
was in hisarms, without any clear idea of how she had got there. The kiss
was long andhard and desperate, and his mouth left hers only to cover her
eyes, her nose,her throat, in little scorching kisses as he held her crushed
against him.	"Does that mean yes?" he asked a long minutes later, when
they both cameup for air, his voice stifled and gruff with the passion that held
him in itsgrip. "You'll marry me?"	"If you're sure." Serena murmured dazedly.
	"Sure?" He looked down into her starry eyes, his face sayingall she
needed to hear. "I've never been so sure of anything in my life. Iant to
spend every second, every moment with you."
	"What about your business empire? You won't be able todevote yourself
to it in the same way," she warned tremulously. "Especially whenwe have
children."	"What business empire? I've forgotten it already."
	"And your friends? What if they don't like me?" shepersisted softly,
leaning back in his arms to see his face more clearly.
	"Tough." He pulled her closer. "But they'll love you. Howcould they not
love you? Anyway--" he shook his head irritably "--what the hellare we
thinking about other people for at a time like this? I don't careabout anyone
else, only you, and you only care about me." The arrogance waspure Chiba, but
Serena had to admit he was absolutely right.
	But there was still one hurdle she had to face. She had totell him it
all--talk about the rape in all is ugliness and look at his faceas she did
so. It was the only way she could go forward into this new lifethat was
beckoning in his eyes.	"Darien, I need to tell you." She paused, her voice
breaking.	"No, not if you don't want to," he said urgently. "Serena, Ilove you.
It only matters to me in so much as it matters to you--"
	"I need to tell you," she said again, her voice firmer nowas she drew
on his love and support.
	It wasn't easy, and both their face were awash with tears bythe time
she had finished, but they were cleansing tears, born of hope andlove rather
than pain and misery, and he held her close to his heart for longminutes when
she had finally stopped talking.
	"I meant what I said, my love." After a while he eased herfrom him
slightly, in order to look in her face, but not before she hadfelt the desire
trembling through the big, muscled body and the power of hismasculinity. "The
physical side can wait until you're ready. I want you to need meas much as I
need you in every way--mind and soul and body. I want it to beright for you."
	"Darien, you had it all from day one," Serena said softly, atremulous
smile quivering her lips.
	And then there was no more talking as his mouth sought hersagain in
hungry, tender homage, the loving reassurance mingling with arising passion
that she knew was for real.
	This was her man, this was forever. Whatever the future heldfor them--
mountaintops of joy and happiness, and maybe the odd valley oftears--they
would walk it together. Two hearts, two bodies, two souls unitedas one.
	She was safe; she was home; she was whole.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The
End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Whew! Finally this story is done. I want to thanks all of thosewho had e-
mailed me with comments and compliments. Also remember to checkout my other
fic at: http://www.moonchronicles.com and
http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/index2.html