Title: Remembering Love Author: Alicia Blade E-mail: Kammi22@sprintmail.com Remembering Love It is cold. Everything is cold. Maybe not the air, and maybe not the room, but I am cold. My eyes, my blood, my heart. It is cold. The room is dark, lighted by only a few candles and my Queen's glowing orb. My Queen. She sits behind me on her thrown. I hear her orders. They are not difficult. Kill the girl. The girl. She is shaking before me. Her eyes quiver. In pain? In sadness? In...pity? Pity. For who? Me? Ha. She is the one about to die. Not me. Her eyes quiver, tears threatening to escape. She is on her knees, only a foot in front of me. My sword is over my head, shaking, itching to fall upon its prey. It's amazing. This girl, only a teenager, perhaps not even 15 years old, is amazing. She has defeated our kingdom's most powerful forces. She has brought the doom to our greatest generals. And yet, she is so easy to kill. She is so helpless before me. Shaking, trembling. Her eyes quiver. She is a pretty girl. Beautiful. Gorgeous, even. But I don't see it. My dark eyes cannot find beauty, any more than my heart can find love. My dark, dark eyes. They were once a bright blue, laughing and cheerful. But I don't know that. I have no memory of that time. I don't even know it existed. And so I cannot see this girl's beauty. I only see her as an enemy. And I must kill her. My Queen wishes me to kill her. She won't be disappointed. I will kill this girl. This small warrior. And my Queen will praise me. Reward me. Perhaps I will even rule beside her, as king of the Earth, the Moon, the Galaxy. Just for killing this girl. This small warrior. My fists clench tighter on the sword. My arms are anxious, impatient, awaiting the final strike. The girl is still on her knees. She doesn't try to fight. She just kneels there. Praying, hoping. This time, her prayers will not be answered. The sword slices through the air. Silence... There is no scream... No cry... No whimper... Silence... I have stopped, the sword is only inches from her forehead. She didn't flinch. She didn't attempt to escape. She stares at me, large blue eyes unblinking. I see it now. It is so small, held perfectly in her miniature palms. Gold, glowing. A music box in the shape of a star. A gold, glowing star in the middle of a black, lonely night. The silence melts into the slow melody, as does the darkness in my eyes. I cannot see it. I have no way of knowing, but I know the darkness is gone. Once again, or perhaps for the first time, I see beauty in this small music box. It beckons, calls to me. Begging to be touched, held. Removing a hand from my sword hilt, my trembling fingers begin to reach. So slowly, cautiously. I cannot hear the music, so much as feel it. Entering my soul, my heart. Every crevice deep inside of me which has been filled with such a black, a hatred, is now filled with this melody. I am scared, terrified, but I continue. My fingers reaching, aching to touch the music, the light that this girl holds in her hands. Finally, I touch it. At first, it simply grows brighter. My fingers tingle above it. It is warm. Slowly, the tingling sensation begins to crawl up my arm. Now it begins spreading fast. Incredibly fast. I feel as if I am overtaken by the feeling. Images flash by my eyes, my mind. Images of people I have never met. Places I have never been. They are gone before I can touch them, hang on to them, understand them. The images begin to slow, and I can see faces. Rooms. Items. I can feel things I have never felt before. Loneliness, sadness, comfort, joy, worry...love. For who? For what? And my mind slips away... I am in a ballroom. People wearing masks are dancing all around me. I see a girl descending a grand staircase. She wears a white dress with gold trimming. Her blonde hair is tied into buns on either side of her head, long golden locks dangling from them and flowing to her ankles. Her blue eyes smile as she takes notice of me. I walk to her and take her hand, kissing it gently. How do I know her? Her smile spreads to her lips as I take her into my arms and we begin to dance with the other guests. And my mind slips away... I am on a balcony, holding the girl in my arms. She is crying. I tell her I must go. Where am I going? I kiss her soft lips. Then there is a scream of anger. Turning I draw my sword. In front of me is… my Queen! But, she is not my Queen. I glare at her with hatred and lunge, my sword aimed at her throat. But she knocks me aside with a wave of her hand and crushes me instantly with her black magic. But I am not dead. I have fallen off the balcony. A strong wind latches onto me, pulling me into the air. I hear the girl scream. Looking back, I see her crying, screaming, trying to reach me. Then she is jumping towards me. No! You must stay! You must survive! But she doesn't hear me. She is floating in the unforgiving wind as well. I reach towards her. Oh let me touch her! Let me hold her one last time! Our hands clasp and we are in each other's embrace. Before blackness sets in and I feel the wind tear her from my arms. And my mind slips away... I am a boy now. Sitting on the edge of a hospital bed. I don't know who or where I am. I am all alone. I have only one friend, and he is leaving. He is some one I know, someone I care for, and he is leaving me. Why is he going away? Where is he going? Tears sting down my cheeks. I feel a warm hand on mine. I look down to see five small fingers wrapped around one of mine. Looking up, I see a pair of bright blue eyes smiling back at me. I know those eyes... The small blonde girl doesn't want me to cry. The tears freeze on my cheeks, and she smiles. I can feel my heart skip a beat. Who is this small girl? This small angel? She hands me a single, red rose, asking me, telling me not to cry. And then she is gone. And my mind slips away... I am older now. Twenty or so. I am in a crowded street. In a city? I don't remember any cities. I am walking alone. Then I feel something hit my head, but it doesn't hurt. I call to the girl who has just thrown a scrunched up piece of paper at me. I call her something...a name? Do I know her? She turns and glares at me. I don't think she liked what I called her. I look at her now. She is pretty, even though her cheeks are red with anger. She has her hair tied up into two buns and then streaming down her sides. Hey! Just like the princess! Wait a minute...princess? Where did that come from? I think I insulted her again, for she has just yanked the paper from my grasp and stomped away. My, she is cute when she does that! Maybe I'll have to tease her more often. I smile at the adorable pout she had just flashed me, and then frown. I don't like watching her walk away. Why do I feel like this? Who is this girl? And my mind slips away... It is later that day. I am dressed in a black tuxedo and cape. Costume party, maybe? I am standing in a windowsill, looking down into a store. There are diamonds and jewels scattered and littered over the floor. A jewelry store. Leaning against a pillar is a young girl. The small warrior! She is crying. I want to run to her. Sweep her into my arms and carry her away, but I don't. I give her some words of encouragement and watch as her tears quit falling down her cheeks. She stands and throws a weapon at the monster who had earlier made her cry. It screams in fury and dissolves into dust. I smile with pride at the girl and disappear out the window. And my mind slips away... And I have remembered... And I know my princess... my angel... my small warrior... my love... And I will never hurt her again... And my mind slips away... I am in the throne room again. My sword has long since clattered to the floor. I find myself on my knees in front of the girl. I have failed. I could not, would not, kill her. I have lost. Or...have I won? Given up an eternity as king of the galaxy just to be with this girl, this small warrior. Yes. I have won. She is not my enemy. She is my love. I hear my Queen yelling, screaming from behind me. She is not my queen. She is my hatred. And I have won. I feel danger. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the deadly crystal soaring towards the girl. In a single movement, I have created a rose out of the air and thrown it at the crystal. It is not a simple rose, but a weapon. The weapon I have used so many times in the past to protect this girl, my small warrior. The rose is black from the evil still churning inside of me, but it does the job. It easily slices through the crystal and continues towards the evil queen. She is stabbed in the chest with exact preciseness, and I smile as I hear her scream in pain. She will not hurt my princess. I do not notice the petals of the rose flicker to a bright red, for the broken shards of crystal are still coming. I throw myself protectively over the girl. I clench my teeth as the crystal pierces into my back. I will not let my angel hear me scream. She is begging me not to do it. Not to protect her. Doesn't she understand? I must protect her. I want to protect her. Without her, there is no life. No joy. No happiness. No laughter. Without her, I am nothing. Without her, I am not alive. And so I protect her. I am in her arms now. She is crying into my hair. My princess. Don't cry. My angel. I love you so much. My small warrior. My only love. Don't cry. She continues to weep. I lay my head in her lap and look into her quivering blue eyes. Slowly, weakly, I bring a hand to her face and brush away a tear. I force a smile. No. With all of my pain, despite the blood I can feel seeping through my clothes, I do not have to force a smile. Just looking at her, feeling her arms around my shoulders and back, brings me more happiness than I ever could have imagined. I would die a thousand painful deaths, if just to feel like this once. And so I smile. Carefully, I move my hand behind her neck , moving her face towards mine. I catch her lips in a deep kiss. She returns the act passionately. And all the pain and hurt I feel, vanish instantly. My eyes close tight. They don't open again. I never feel the separation of our lips. And there is no more cold.