Title: Love Letters Author: Alicia Blade E-mail: Kammi22@sprintmail.com Rated G Hey minna-chan! This sort of goes with: Dear Usako... er... I mean Usagi. The letters are EXACTLY the same, so if you've read the other one, don't read it again... unless, of course, you want to. But I didn't know how to end it, so I made two different endings, and two different stories. Wow! Must thank Athena whom I love to death, thanx SO much for all your ideas and your friendship. I do not own Sailor Moon. Drat! PLEASE E-MAIL ME! IMPORTANT: Well, to me at least... some people said they were having trouble opening Dreaming of a White Christmas because of the zipped file. If you had this problem PLEASE, I beg of you, e-mail me and I would be MORE than happy to send you a copy. It would be absolutely no trouble, and of course, there's no obligation to ever talk to me again, but I was extremely proud of that story and want anyone and everyone to have the chance to read it. So don't be shy and e-mail me. THANX!! Enjoy! Dear Usako, Yeah, I know your name is Usagi, but I sincerely hope you don't mind me calling you that. Actually, I've been calling you Usako in my head since the day I learned your name. Believe it or not, that's before I started calling you Odango Atama. By the way, I suppose I should apologize for calling you that all the time, but, well, I guess I'm just not sorry about it. You see, my Odango Atama, I enjoy watching you get angry, you are incredibly adorable. I probably don't enjoy it as much as I would like to see you smile at me with your beautiful eyes, but I've pretty much lost all hope of that ever happening. And so, you're still Odango Atama to me, at least, when you're not Usako. Do you remember the first time we met? You know, when you threw that AWFUL (Sorry couldn't resist) test paper at me and I called you Odango Atama for the first time? Well, I know you were probably very mad, and perhaps a little depressed at that time, but I was ecstatic. Why? Because I finally got the chance to talk to you. Contrary to prior beliefs, that day on the sidewalk was not the first time I met you. The first time you met me, perhaps, (I suppose I could have made a better first impression), But not the first time I met you. I already knew you very well by that time. I was in the arcade one day, quite awhile ago, though it seems like it could have happened yesterday, and when I looked up, I saw an angel. I couldn't stop watching her. She was young, a good four years younger than me, but extravagantly beautiful. She sat at the newest Sailor V game, with intent blue eyes watching the screen and her teeth biting her lower pink lip in determination. I will never forget that expression. She was wearing a Juuban High School Uniform, very common around there at that time of day, but something incredibly unique about her caught my eye. Her long, golden hair was done up in two odango shaped balls with long locks flowing down her sides. I guess by now you know who I'm talking about? I found myself smiling whenever she smiled, laughing whenever she laughed, and even frowning when she appeared the slightest bit angry or sad (probably at a game over). For some odd reason, I felt attached to this girl. To this day I don't completely understand it... but now I'm getting off the subject. The next few days I would go to the arcade at the same time, if just to watch you some more. You mesmerized me. Every little thing about you simply took my breath away. Soon, I found myself watching the clock, impatiently counting down the minutes until I could see you again. You began to occupy my thoughts every second of the day, and I soon figured out that if a day went by that I couldn't see you, it was automatically a horrible day. Eventually, I noticed that you talked to Motoki a lot. I asked him what your name was once and when he told me, I laughed. I couldn't help it. Having analyzed everything about you, I had taken notice of your amusement with bunnies, and the name fit perfectly. That night, I was lying in bed thinking of you, and that's when I started calling you Usako. Actually, it was more along the lines of my splendid, wonderful, charming, loving, gentle, incredible, vivacious, beautiful Usako. Yeah, that sounds about right. Now, you have to understand that this was completely new to me. I'd never felt this way for any girl, much less one I'd never spoken to. And, frankly, it terrified me. I was scared stiff at the fact that I had allowed myself to fall so strongly, so thoroughly, for someone I'd never met. Before, I had always thought of love and affection as a weakness. And for me, the calm and collected guy who could focus on anything and stay with it, this was all completely new. Dreaming and fantasizing about a girl every waking minute was something I had thought I would never allow myself to do. And so when I started feeling these things for you, I was ultimately frightened. After that, I started asking Motoki more questions about you, trying to find something, anything, that I could hate about you. Okay, so you're a klutz. I tried that one first, but then I started wondering what it would be like if one day you tripped and fell into my arms. So, that didn't work too well to get you off my mind. You're not that bright, maybe even a little dumb. That worked for awhile, until I started seriously considering offering to become your personal tutor. Heh heh... try again. You're a crybaby. Yeah, but you're so cute when you pout, and what I wouldn't give to hold you in my arms and kiss away your tears. Alright, I'm getting a little mushy. I'm sorry. But when I decided to write this letter to you, I promised I wouldn't leave a thing out. So I'm spilling my heart and soul out to you now. Back to the matter at hand: As you can see, nothing I told myself could ever get you off of my mind. Quite the opposite. The more I tried to find something to hate about you, the more stuff I found to love about you. You're always cheery, no matter what happens. You would stop everything in your life to help out a friend. You would put your heart on the line to make someone else happy. And you wear your heart on your sleeve for anyone to take. I shudder when I think of that. Because I know it's true, and I knew it was true before we even met, and I still pushed you away. I still teased you, and maybe even hurt you. And God, Usako, you have no idea how many times I've wished for a second start with you. To try that landmark day all over again. If I could, I know exactly what I would have done. I've replayed the events in my mind a million or so times. I'm walking down the street, preparing to go visit Motoki at the arcade, busily humming an annoying song in my head over and over again. Knock Three Times to be exact. It's funny how a person can remember these small details, you know? Do you know that song by any chance? Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe >ding, ding< means the answer is no... blah blah blah... Well, anyway, that song. Where was I? Oh yeah, walking, arcade, annoying song, and out of the blue, a scrunched up piece of paper hits me right smack on the head. I bend down and pick it up, and when I see the test paper culprit, my eyes fall on no other than my arcade angel. I'm speechless at first, as all secret admirers would be, before jogging over to her and telling her she dropped, or rather threw, the test paper. She'd shrug, probably sigh because she couldn't get rid of it as she'd hoped, and take it from me. I'd give it up a tad unwillingly (I'd been hoping to take it home and frame it) and then I'd ask her why she was so sad. Of course, I didn't look at the test paper this time, must give the angel some privacy. She'd most likely say that she had a bad day at school or something along those lines. I would give her my honest sympathy before asking her if she would like to go out to get some ice cream and cheer up. And then her beautiful face would light up and I would feel overwhelming happiness at being the source of her joy. I'd take her to an ice cream parlor and listen while she chatted about nothing and everything, and smile in amazement when she managed to down a triple chocolate sundae. No. I'm not stalking you, I simply overheard you order that once. Afterwards, I'd walk her home and spend the rest of the day wandering aimlessly and whistling a wonderfully annoying song to myself. If only I could relive that one day... Can I ask you a question, Odango Atama? Well, It's my letter, so I guess I can. If the first day you had met me had gone more like that, what do you think would have happened? Would we have been friends? An item maybe? One of those happy couples you always pass by in the park? Would you like me at all, or at least more than you do now? I don't really expect you to answer me. I guess I'm only curious. As long as I'm telling you everything, I guess I'll talk about a feeling I have that I'm not very proud of at all. Jealousy. It first hit when I was sitting in the arcade watching you. I saw Motoki walk over to you to talk and I immediately felt jealousy crash into me full force. It wasn't so much that he was talking to you, heck, guys would talk to you all the time, but it was more the way you would talk to him. I saw your posture change immediately, and watched as you gave him one of those beautiful, heart-stopping smiles. And the look in your eyes, so glazed and joyful, almost made me crack. I got angry very fast I guess. Angry at myself for feeling that way, at Motoki for hardly noticing the beautiful treasure in front of him, and even at you for looking at him like that, and paying absolutely no attention to me whatsoever. And that hurt. I suppose you're wondering why, if I felt this way and constantly dreamed of starting over with you, did I continue to tease you like I did. God knows you've given me chance after chance to redeem myself, and I shot you down every time. Well, I guess it was a mixture of all those emotions of jealousy and anger that sorta led me to this brainiac idea. Now, don't get me wrong. I never wanted to hurt you. I'd rather be tortured to death than ever hurt you. But somehow, I got this stupid idea in my head. It was obvious by now that no matter how hard I tried, you weren't going to get out of my thoughts or mind. And so, I searched for some way, any way, to make you think of me as much as I thought of you. I wanted to be on your mind 24 hours a day. I wanted you to think of me, replay our last visit in you mind over and over and contemplate what would happene the next time we met. I wanted to be in your dreams, and your fantasies. I wanted my name to be on your lips at all times, and my face to be everywhere you looked. So that's why I teased you. Because one of the less intelligent aspects of my mind figured that that approach was the exact way to make that happen. Heh heh... see, I'm not all that smart after all. Of course, there were rewards to teasing you. Your flushed face, or even a simple blush was well worth the effort. But as soon as you started to walk away, I would crash. I would hate myself for being such a jerk. And I vowed never to forgive myself for pushing you away, and for possibly even hurting you. My dear Usako, if ever I've hurt you, I am really, truly sorry. I apologize a million times for any incident where I might have hurt you in the slightest. And I pray that, maybe someday, you could forgive me for that, although I wouldn't expect it any time soon. Well, my lovely Odango Atama, I've already filled up 10 pages telling you how I felt, and I assure you I could fill up another 10 if I tried to tell you everything that goes through my head when you are around, but I promise I won't. Instead, I'll try to summarize for you, as not to bore you with my mindless, heartfelt blabber. Usako, my little rabbit, I love you. You are quite simply the sweetest, most gentle, loving, generous, kind, and thoughtful woman I have ever met. You are everything in this world I have ever dreamed to have. To hold you and kiss you would be a dream come true for me. If I could see your gorgeous blue eyes smile up at me, just once, then I know I could very well die a happy and complete life. I would promise the world to you. I would give you the moon, the sun, and any star in the heavens you wished for. I would treat you like a princess, a goddess, the angel that you are. And I would love you with every drop of life in me. I would spend the rest of my life trying to bring you overwhelming happiness, because I know that one touch from you could flood my senses with unimaginable joy. And so, my dear Usako, whatever should happen the next time we meet, whether you ignore me, or deny ever reading this letter and resort back to insulting me, or if the unthinkable should happen and you should return the following phrase to me, I do love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Always and forever, Mamoru I sighed and read over the letter a few more times. Closing my eyes, I clenched my fist in aggravation. It's never perfect enough. Why can't I just tell her how I feel? What makes this so hard? I read it again. It seemed to say everything I felt... but something was wrong with it. Oh, you're fooling yourself Mamoru. How could she ever feel the same way for you? It could never happen. You don't stand a chance and you know that. If only she weren't so perfect. If there was something about her that could some how make me feel more on her level. But there's nothing. I'm only Mamoru, the conceited jerk who teases her, and she's... well, she's Usako. She's Odango Atama. She's my arcade angel. I don't deserve her. I don't even deserve to see her everyday like I do. To sit there and watch her play Sailor V for hours on end. I know I could never have her. Why do I even bother trying to write the letters? No words could ever describe how perfect she is. And an entire dictionary couldn't begin to dig into my feelings for her. With yet another sigh, I took the papers into my hands and carefully folded them together, making sure to get the creases just right. Maybe someday I'll have the guts to tell her. Maybe someday, I'll actually have the nerve to give her one of these... I placed the note in the shoebox, along with the other 50 love letters I have written to Usako, attempting to catch my emotions on paper to give to her, and failing each time. Placing the lid onto the box, I slid it underneath my bed into its own designated space before slumping onto the pillows and dreaming of my beautiful Usako... Fin Hope you liked it. I know it was a little different than my usual style. Please tell me whatcha thought. God Bless and welcome to 1999!!!